Wednesday, December 30, 2009
Friday, December 11, 2009
Last night the hospital had a memorial just for the heart babies that have passed this year. I read a poem called I'll Lend You A Child. It was such a beautiful ceremony. The angel wings in the trees were soooooo moving and beautiful. Daradee (Liam's Mom) did a great job. I know everyone knows I'm not afraid to talk to anybody, but this is the first time I spoke in front of a crowd. I was second to last to speak and was a nervous wreck. I just kept asking My Little Angel Peanut Girl to please be by my side and give me courage. She did, it worked. It was very sad, but nice that all of us heart famalies were together to support each other. Even parents of heart babies that are still with us were there for support. You guys are more like family than friends. I love you all tons.I'm so glad we are all friends, just wish it was under different circumstances. Thanks everyone.
Monday, November 30, 2009
Yes, Halloween was another one of those first holidays for us. My neighbors little girl who is as cute as a button came over in her little lady bug costume. I went Oh my goodness you look adorable then walked inside and cried. I just imagined how cute Andie would be in her first little costume. I know she has the most adorable costume right now. She is the prettiest Angel ever.
Happy Halloween Baby Girl!
Boston and Eric had fun this year. This is the first year Brogan did not want to dress up. I guess he is getting too old. (The big 10) now. Its getting weird the older they get. Lots of questions about holidays and what they mean, etc. Like is Halloween really evil? Is Santa real? Why do they have to grow up sooo fast? Why do parents ruin it for kids who then ruin it for other kids as well? I just don't get it!!!!!
Hope everyone had a happy and safe Halloween!
As you all probably know Thanksgiving was hard. I tried to avoid the thoughts, but by the end of the evening I was on Andie's blog reading old posts from when she was in the hospital, and broke down. I also put out all the Christmas decorations and couldn't help to think that last year at this time I was thinking Andie would be about nine months old and totally getting into the tree. Ugh!!!!! I hate all of this. We wish you were here baby girl. We all miss and love you tons!
The hospital had a memorial for all children that have passed away this year. It was very sad of course. I went up to say Andie's name in front of the church and light a candle for her and I started to cry and asked Andie to help me be strong. I kept asking for her to give me a sign she was with us. They did a slide show. It started with music and then the first most adorable picture ever (of course) was our Angel Girl.(Picture Above ) So Im sure your thinking it was in alphabetical order, it was not .(I thought it too) They were going from A to J and then back to E and so on. So in my eyes, this was my sign. Thanks for all the support from Daddy, Grandma, Chelsea and Joanne for being there. There is another memorial at the hospital only for heart babies on December 10 which I will be reading a poem. Please help me baby girl. Then there is one more through the funeral home this Sunday December 6. This is therapy for me. I want to do everything I can in Andie's honor.
I will post again about Andie's walk after I meet with Make A Wish this week. Hope eveyone had a good holiday.
Love to All,
Thursday, November 19, 2009
I finally got a high school to donate their track to me for Andie's walk. It will be on February 20, 2010.Our charity will be Make A Wish Foundation. I will also have a tax ID number for everyone to have the write off. I will update with a registration form as soon as I get it all done. Thanks to Jennifer McNutt and Peoria High School for your generosity. This is HUGE!!!!!!!!! You guys are awesome.
Brooke and Family
Happy 9 month Birthday Baby Girl!!!!!!
Friday, November 13, 2009
Before I start my post tonight, I want you to sit back and really think about what I am saying here. You may be dealing with this in your life in one way or another and this could seriously help you make things better. It most definitely did for Aimee and I, and it really didn't take a lot of work to fix what had been broken.
Aimee and I know some people who are dealing with marital issues right now and this post is for them. Although, this information is also great for those who aren't having issues or don't think they are having issues as we all need to strive to be better people. You may find this helpful to share this to someone you personally know who may need to hear it.
A little while back, I posted briefly about Aimee and I were having some troubles in our marriage but that everything is back on track. I spoke about how my choices started to follow my feelings, which was completely backwards, causing me to swerve off track in my life. Just as Brent Riggs mentioned to me before, you can't lead with your caboose (aka feelings) or your engine (aka decisions) will run off the track in the wrong direction.
Whether or not Aimee or myself were at fault for the things we did to get us from point A to point B, I realized that the negative feelings were controlling my decisions. I didn't want to deal with the pain, the anger, the sadness and mostly, the fear of these negative feelings going on forever and ever. I wanted out! I wanted the easy route! I wanted to go where the grass was greener! I wanted to start over!
I wanted all these things because I was SELFISH! I made a promise to my wife when I asked her to marry me. I made a promise to my family when I married her and I made all these promises right in front of God. Oh, but a promise can be broken. Oh, but I will ask God to forgive me for this divorce and I promise not to do it again so that will be okay. Oh, but no one understands what I have to live with and life would be so much better if we weren't together. Oh, the kids will be okay and they will still get to see me. Oh, but I never loved her in the first place. Excuses! Excuses! Excuses!
I made all the excuses and I look back on them now and I was trying to convince myself only to make me feel better for the wrong thing I knew I was doing. Aimee may not be perfect and I may not be perfect, but I know that I was attracted to her enough to ask her for her number. I knew that I once laughed for hours without a single argument. I knew that I once tried to go out of my way to impress her so she would think I am not like all the other men. I knew that I once told her I loved her and I felt the love in my heart when I said it to her without being forced. I knew that I once couldn't wait to spend every waking hour with her, cuddle with her, and give her long, wet kisses that beat all the motion picture awards for "Best Kiss."
Most importantly, I knew that I wanted to spend forever with her when I got on my knee and asked her to marry me. I knew that I wanted to share forever with her when I agreed to have a child that I would have to help raise as a team. So, for making negative excuses against all of this love I knew I once felt was completely letting my feelings run my decisions.
When I wake up in the morning, I brush my teeth, wash my face and put on some deodorant. I do this because it is a routine for me, but mainly because I don't want to completely scare away my clients with goops of eye boogers, rotten breath that stinks just as bad or worse as the onion patch growing under my arms. Not everyone, including myself, really enjoys doing any of these routines, but we do it anyway. My point is that we are choosing to do something regardless of how we feel about it and not to mention that we probably have a lot more people who like us because we do it.
The whole point that I am getting at, which turned my life right-side-up, is that I chose to do something that wasn't led by my feelings and wasn't really what I "felt" I wanted to do at that time. I know God put us together for a reason and He wouldn't let two souls get married if they weren't supposed to be married. Besides our salvation, marriage is one of the most important things. I made many decisions in my life that I felt were right and maybe some of them were wrong, but we NEVER make the wrong decision to marry someone because we love them.
To give love, you must feel love. If you resist being selfish, forgive easily, know this world is not perfect, and go out of your way to do the right things for your husband/wife, that lost feeling of love will find its way home very quickly. God gave us this greatest gift for a reason and it was not to be selfish and love ourselves only to make ourselves feel happy, but to love others unconditionally so that they can see and feel how amazing this gift truly is.
I had moved out and I had started over. I felt the world was a better place for making the decision that I did and my life felt like it was going in the right direction, but the devil is so deceiving. I am not ashamed to speak my faults to the world, but I was dead wrong.
Aimee and I are happier now than ever before. We understand each other more for having gone through this. We both show each other love and respect, and now we go out of our ways to mold our lives to fulfill each others needs.
Summing it all up in to 3 parts:
1. Remember that you once made a decision to be married because you loved one another or you were at least attracted to each other at some point to engage in a relationship.
2. Lead with your choices and your feelings will follow, but of course you have to make choices that are with a pure heart and without sin.
3. Know that you are not perfect and neither is your spouse, but forgiveness is key and you must give love and respect in order to receive love and respect. You can never give love and respect to your wife/husband/children with a selfish heart that focuses on your own feelings.
Aimee and I will be praying endlessly for those who are struggling to fix their marriages. Just know that we are not experts in anyway, shape or form, but that we love you all and we pray that we were able to help you with our situation in one way or another.
God made men a special way in a "blue" color and woman a special way in a "pink" color that when you join them together it makes purple. Purple is the color of royalty and a husband and wife are joined together in God's beautiful image. There was no mistake when He blessed us with marriage, so leading with God as our engine, the caboose will always be on track. Let your feelings follow your choices!
Brent, thank you for giving me the best advice and allowing me to use it to help others. You are a blessing to me and my family.
Friday, October 30, 2009
I got a call from the doctor today about my blood work that I had posted about. Well, I have good and bad news. The good news is there is nothing wrong and the bad news is there is nothing wrong with me. I guess she was right, ALL my symptoms are related to stress. HMMMMMMMM!!!!! They checked my thyroid, hormones, complete blood count, and cholesterol. So I'm going to go back to excercising, I have started my vitamins again, and no more coffee. I started drinking coffee again after Andie passed away. My therapy I guess. Hopefully this will get me semi back to normal. If there is such a thing for me. HA! HA! People have been asking, so I thought I would let you all know. Wish me luck!
Thursday, October 29, 2009
I forgot one fun thing we did this Labor Day. We went to the JW Marriott Resort. Fran and I went on Friday am for a little R & R. Then Duane brought the boys in the afternoon. We just relaxed and swam all day. Then on Saturday it rained and rained. The boys and I still had some fun. It was Nicelodeon Weekend, so we went to see Sponge Bob, Dora and went to the Nickelodeon activities. Boston and Eric got picked to go up and play the slime game. That was cute. The high light of Brogan's weekend was to see ALL the cool cars. We all know how he is about cars.Then Saturday afternoon I took the boys and Fran home so my lovely husband and I could spend some well deserved time together. It was nice to have dinner and then relax in our HUGE beautiful suite. It had a huge sun deck too. On Sunday, I took Duane back and the boys and I went and swam for a while and then came home. It was a good fun break for our family.
Yes, I finally took the Beanie Babies from Auntie Kelly's church and the ones from Mrs. King's mom to the hospital. It is so awesome that people are still helping us keep Andie's legacy going. I also want to thank Heather Houston for dropping by the adorable Beanie the other day. That one I'm keeping for myself. Thanks so much to all of you for thinking of us still. The hospital is very grateful and so are we.
Love to all,
Duane,Brooke, & Andie
Yes, It has been forever since I posted. I was waiting for some pics to do so. I'm going to catch you all up to date.
Well let's see, since our trip to Tennessee, Boston has had a birthday. THE BIG SIX. I can't believe it. The kids started school. Chelsea is a junior at ASU this year, Brogan fourth grade, Eric second grade, Boston in first grade and Andie would be eight months old. Yes, we have them ALL over the map. I also changed Brogan and Boston's school a couple of weeks ago to a charter school.You can tell by the pics, that they are in a uniform now.It was a hard decision, but they are adjusting. The boys and I went to California to see my Dad and Maria. The boys had never been to their house, and my sister met us there. While we were there, we spent time with aunts, uncles, cousins, second cousins and great grandparents. I was glad we got to see them, it will probably be the last time to see my grandparents. I hate to say that, but they didn't look good. It was good to see all the cousins and our kids together. Some of us have never met before. It brought back all of us playing together. Boy was it fun to talk about the good times we had as kids.We went to Alcatraz with Pa Pa Bill. The boys thought that was so cool. I have to admit I have not been there since I was a kid. It was very interesting. It was a clear and beautiful day in good old SF. As usual, we had a blast with Auntie Ya Ya and Missa. (HA!HA!) A lot of laughing is always good for the soul. Of course we had our Andie times too. I love them all very much!!!!!! Let's see, Boston is in baseball for the fall. The kids are very excited about Halloween coming. I will post pics for that too.
Well, it seems to be getting harder rather than easier about Andie. Some days I think I have it all together, then the next I don't.Duane told me the other night he is having a really hard time too. I have went to the doctor, because I feel so yucky all the time. (sick to my stomach, headaches, not sleeping, etc.) No I'm not pregnant. That adds to my stress more, because we have tried and its not happening either. Of course, she thinks it all related to what I am going through. Losing a baby, best friend and all the other things life has to offer me right now. She is running some blood work to see if its my thyroid or anything of signifigance. We will see. I haven't had any health problems this far in my life. Do you think its time to start? I hope not. I would rather it be me than my kids though. Thanks again to my wonderful husband for being there and so good and understanding. Also, thanks to our great friends and family who ALWAYS have a shoulder to lean on. I hope this gets you all up tp date. I promise I will post again real soon.
Monday, October 12, 2009
Scarlett is out of surgery and doing well. You can get on her blog to see how she is doing. Her mom is really good about posting updates and pictures.
I have some catching up to do with my posts, I'm waiting for my pictures to be down loaded to my computer. I will post tomorrow.
We are following another baby on Andie's blog, Baby Scarlett. We met in the hospital waiting room during Andie's surgery. They came in, we started talking and she was telling me that her baby was supposed to be in surgery right now but they had a n emergency surgery take her place. I looked at her and said Sorry, but Thanks. It was us that took her surgery spot. Scarlett is a few days older than Andie. She is doing VERY well, but today is a BIG surgery day for her. Please pray that she will do well, for her family to have strength, and for the doctors and nurses wisdom through all of this. Here blog is heartbabyscarlett.blogspot.com.
I will post again tomorrow.
Sunday, September 13, 2009
It is so hard to believe that it has been six months ago today that our Baby Angel Girl received her wings. I feel at such a loss of words. Everyone knows how much we miss her and hurt. I know Andie knows how much we love her, miss her and hurt that she is not here with us physically. I have a very moving story to tell though. Some people may think this is all crap, but its not. I have been back to working out like a crazy women. By the way it is a lot harder to tighten up your tummy after three kids and 37 then it was after two kids and 32. Ha!Ha!Ha! Anyway, I try to break up my running days by running/hiking the mountain. When I get to the top there are two rocks side by side. I sit on the big one and I put my water bottle on the little one for Andie's spot. I always talk to her and pray. This one day I looked up in the sky to talk to her, and there were some clouds. I happen to be VERY emotional while I was running and when I got to the top I was sitting there crying in my hands and talking to my Angel Peanut Girl and thanking God for making her better. When I looked up at the sky the clouds were in the same formation as the satue in front of St. Joseph's Hospital. I could see that statue out our window and every time we went outside and back in. Whenever I saw it, I prayed that he would lift Andie up and heal her so she could go home. Well guess what, he did. So back to my clouds, I looked around to see if anyone was around with a camera phone, etc. When you hike at one in the afternoon, there is not a real big crowd. I knew nobody would believe me. I put my face back in my hands and lost it again. When I looked up the formation was back to being a bunch of clouds. So I cried the whole run down. I finally quit by the time I got home. Duane asked me how my run was? I said good and just lost it. He probably thought I was losing it. Wondering why I was crying about exercise. Then I told him. Even if nobody believes it, I know what I saw and I know what I believe. I believe it was Andie and Gods way of letting me know Andie is OK and in REALLY good hands. I even said to God that day I know I want Andie here for selfish reasons, but thank you for making her not hurt, and healthy again. The other hard struggles other than the whole situation is I try to analyze everything that I could or should have done differently or to fight more for procedures, medicines, etc. I know I voiced my opinion every time there was rounds, but maybe I should have said more. I was being educated along with the process to, but I knew my mothers intuition was always right. They did listen to me sometimes, and it worked but other times they didn't. I knew they should have not let her off the vent so long and struggling the way she was. I'm certain that put her lungs back into a tail spin. I begged and pleaded but they are the doctors and make the final decisions. Believe me if I knew how to reintabate her, I would have the first sign of her struggling. I just hope Andie knows I did fight for her. They say a mother will always be a tiger for her child. I was, but then we have to trust the doctors to some degree. Right? HMMMMMMM!!!! We love you baby girl and know we will be with you again someday. Tons of hugs and kisses to you ALWAYS!!!!
Mommy, Daddy, and Family
Thursday, August 27, 2009
We said our good byes to baby Ethan today. What a beautiful service he had. His family did such a wonderful job explaining Ethan's journey and expressing the beautiful love they have for him.It brought back soooo many emotions. There were a lot of heart moms there. What a support system we all have. Heidi made a comment today that they have a whole new group of friends since they have been heart parents, and what a blessing this is. She is right. Heidi and Molly were the first moms I met in the hospital, and wow what a support system they were and still have been. They hooked me up with other moms that have lost babies. That was the best thing for me. Heidi A., (Jersey's mom) has been such a good venting post for me. I feel she understands me and I her soo well.I hope I will continue to give Heidi S., Heidi A., Molly, Melody, Liz, Holly and all the new heart moms I have just met and will meet down the road all the love and support they have shown me and my family. I met a few heart moms today that have been following Andie's blog and knew me from my pictures. That was so awesome. It was great to meet them. I hope we can all meet under different circumstances someday soon. I know all our Angel Babies are playing together right now.
We love and miss you ALL very much.
Saturday, August 22, 2009
A lot of people have been asking me about what to send Ethan's family and about his funeral arrangements. Heidi has updated Ethan's blog with ALL the information. The blog address is: crazyskids.blogspot.com. Thanks for ALL your love and support for this fabulous family.
Friday, August 21, 2009
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
Its hard for me to believe that our baby girl would be six months old today. Where has the time gone? Every time I see a little girl I wonder what or who Andie would look like. I wonder what she would be doing , how many teeth she would have, what foods she would like, and what phases she would be going through. Man, this completely sucks!!!! I just told Duane the other day, that I act everyday like I'm doing OK. I'm really not inside and don't think I ever will. Yes, I go on with life. Its the hurting inside that I'm talking about. Has it gotten easier? Yes and no. Yes, because you have no choice. No, because you have no choice. Confusing isn't it? You should put yourselves in our shoes. I know she knows we love her, think about her, talk to her and about her, and kiss her pictures everyday. Baby girl, I'm sure you are having a wonderful half birthday with all your angel friends.
We love and miss you tons.
Mommy, Daddy, your Brothers,your Sisters, and Family
Sunday, August 9, 2009
Boy, people have complained about me not updating on Andie's blog, and now I'm over doing it for you all.
I have another Tennessee story to tell you. So after Andie passed away, I told the boys that if they see a butterfly or a lady bug that it is their sister letting them know she is with them. So while we were in Mississippi, Boston and my cousins kids were catching frogs. Then I here them all saying stop, don't. So I go to see what was wrong. Well Brogan is letting the frogs go. I asked him why he was doing this? He said it was Andie and they needed to let her go. I told him to stop and walked away. Then the kids came and told me he was doing it again. So I grabbed him and took him in the house for a good talking too. As were walking in the house he screams THATS MY SISTER!!!!!! So then we walked out to the car and had a little talk. I said your sister is not a frog. He said mom remember what you said. I told him if a frog was to jump by him out of the blue, it might be Andie. If you go searching for frogs, probably not. Then he said but mom frogs always turn into a prince and she is a princess. I told him I loved him, how sorry I was and we talked some more about it. I think we both understand better now.
Saturday, August 8, 2009
We had a good anniversary day. I didn't know what to get Duane, as we all know he has everything and if he doesn't have it he gets it. So I thought the next best thing was to plan a fun filled surprise day for us/him. So I told him we had to leave at a certain time and away we went. We first went to ride go carts. It was a blast and boy did my husband kick my butt. Then we went and each had an hour massage. That was just what we needed after our intense go cart rides. Then we came home showered and went to have dinner at Flemmings Steak House. It was sooooo yummy, but boy were we full. It was a great day. Sweetie always know how much I love you. The only thing missing today was our Angel Girl. I know she was with us though. We know she always is. We both love and miss her more than words can say. Sweetheart, I want you to know I love and appreciate you more and more everyday. I can't wait to spend the rest of our lives together. I hope you had a great time. I love you. XOXO
I just want to take this time to wish my wonderful husband a Happy First Anniversary. As we all know we have had a pretty tough year. Our love has been tested in many ways. It just shows how strong our love is for each other. We are here for each other and holding on. I love you sweetie and will always love you. I'm going to keep on loving you forever and always, I promise you that!!!!!!! I can't wait to spend the rest of our lives together. We are going to have sooo much fun today and I cannot wait. I love you. XOXOXOXO
Saturday, July 25, 2009
Our trip was good. We had a great time. First of all I want to thank the boys for doing soooo well in the car. 5000 miles in 10 days is a lot of car time. I also want to thank my dad for all his help and company and my cousin Jimmy too. Then we need to extend a huge thanks to all our family in Tennessee and Mississippi for ALL their hospitality. I did a lot of the driving and the reason I bring this up is I didn't know I had it in me to drive all through the night. I have done it as a passenger before, but not as a driver. I know it had to be my little angel helping and watching over us. I was super excited to get there and then super excited to get home to my super husband. I missed him tons.
So, let me tell you the south is a completely different life style than here. Yes, I stood out as the city slicker. First of all, almost running out of gas on the way home from the mud bog show. I let the light go on thinking I had plenty of time not knowing that there was not a gas station on every corner. As a matter of fact, there was only one in the town where we were staying at, and it didn't stay open past ten, and it was eleven. I did not run out but was going to so we had to have our cousins Jimmy and Emily bring us a gas can full of gas. They thought that was pretty funny!!!!!! The kids loved the mud bogs. They got to ride in the back of the big monster truck. They thought that was the bomb!!!!! They got to play outside in the beautiful grass under the big trees all day long. They also had a swing tied to the big tree witch they loved. Our family was sooo sweet. We had a small reunion BBQ. It was a lot of fun. It was so nice that our family who we really don't know that well all knew about Andie. That's one thing about the south, their kin folk is very important to them. They asked a lot of questions and looked at her pictures. It was as if she was there with us. Which I'm sure she was.On the note of kin folk, we learned a WHOLE new vocabulary there.
red light-signal light
four way-four way stop
po po- the police
four lane- the highway
everyone says-yes ma 'm
WalMart is-THE WalMart
Needless to say, we had a really good time. We hope to see them all again soon.