Sorry to you Andie and you all that I kept waiting for a post yesterday. I know I'm a day late to wish our litte angel peanut girl a Happy Birthday on her blog, but it was rough yesterday. The water works were flowing when I was alone or thinking, so I didn't have the courage to sit and write. I guess I was afraid too. I heard a song and cried, wrote a few sentences on facebook and cried, I talked to people and cried, I even got my hair done in the am and was bawling while sitting there letting my color process and getting beautiful phone calls and texts from people. I think the other ladies in there must have wondered what the heck is wrong with this lady? Baby Ethan's birthday was the day before Andie's, and I asked his mom what I should do to get through. She said stay busy. She was right, when I was busy I did better. On that note, my wonderful friends and family had a wonderful lunch in Andie's honor. It was so beautiful and definitley kept me busy. I really do have the best friends and family in the whole wide world. They gave me some beanie babies, flowers, stuffed animals, a gift card,a stepping stone, and a beautiful bracelet.The best gift of all was them being there with me and feeling their love for Andie, me and our family. I really wanted last night to be me and Duane alone spending time and talking about our Angel, but it didn't work out. I think we are going to do something today. Last night after the kids were all tucked in we did sit and talk about what we were doing a year ago at that time. It was around 8:30 pm, and Andie was born at 7:02pm. We were talking about our delivery day and how we were still in our delivery room and running tests on her blood sugar, etc. All the things that should have been RED flags and just remembering the moment. I was talking to Duane about how Andie slept on my chest all swaddled up for the first two nights and how much I loved that. I want to watch Andie's birth video again. I can't believe how much I hurt and ache. I know I hurt and ache daily, but it is really coming out lately. Thanks to my dear sweet husband for being sooo supportive. We couldn't get through it without each other. Duane, I want you to know that giving me Andie is the best gift you have ever given me and I thank you. I know I make you crazy sometimes (by always talking) but its not on purpose. Its just me and who I am.To me it shows how much I care, love, want to be loved, and want to be with you. I do love you very much and know we will get through whatever life brings us. If we can and are making it through this horrible tragedy in our lives, then we should be able to get through anything. The rest should seem simple compared to losing Our Angel. I love you and thank you. Thanks again to all of you for so much love and support. We love you all.
Andersen (Andie) Grace Paulus was born on February 19, 2009. She was fine at birth but became ill shortly after being home. After many tests, she was diagnosed with 'coarctation of the aorta'. This is her blog for updates, prayers, and words of encouragement. Thank you for being here.