Today is Andie's four month birthday. I cannot believe how fast this has gone by. I keep believing and telling myself it's going to get easier, but it has and has not. I know we miss her more and more everyday. I can't help to think what she would be doing or how big she would be. Yesterday was a really rough day for me. I just watched a program about another baby born with a disease and he fought the odds, doctors, and meds, and he lived longer than they thought he ever would. I felt like maybe we should have taken ALL measures to see what the outcome would have been. Duane could tell I was upset, somehow he has a way of knowing me pretty well in two years especially when I'm quiet. (God and everyone knows I'm not quiet vert often) He called me in his office and asked what was wrong? I told him nothing.( because I'm trying to be strong). Then he came over, sat next to me in his office chair and said what is wrong? I just stared to cry. I told him I thought we should have tried more. He sat next to me and just hugged and kissed me and said Brooke remember what she looked like . She did not look the same at all. I know he is right, but it still tugs at my heart everyday. The comfort of Duane's strength , hugs, kisses, and understanding just makes me feel sooo much better. We just have to continue to be strong and there for each other. I know Duane hurts too, but he feels he is the rock for our family. I just want to tell you honey, that you can always come to me to vent about anything. I feel bad that you feel you have to carry all of this on your shoulders not just for you, but for our family too. You are doing a wonderful job and I love you very much . Duane said Andie passed away a HERO, well we all know where she got that from . Her Daddy. Her Daddy is my HERO too. I know she loves and misses him as much as he does her. Baby girl I'm sure you are doing wonderful and are getting so big and strong. Please always know how much we love you, care about you and miss you sooo much. Have a wonderful birthday our Little Angel Peanut Girl.
Andersen (Andie) Grace Paulus was born on February 19, 2009. She was fine at birth but became ill shortly after being home. After many tests, she was diagnosed with 'coarctation of the aorta'. This is her blog for updates, prayers, and words of encouragement. Thank you for being here.