Saturday, June 6, 2009

Andie's Autopsy Report

Everyone wanted me to post as soon as we heard about Andie's autopsy report. The final diagnosis is PPHN (Persistent Pulmonary Hypertension of a Newborn). They said they are not sure what caused it. Well I have said ALL along that her lungs had to over compensate for her heart not working for almost three days before they even put the ventilator in her. It's sooo frustrating because the team of Cardiologists at the hospital say she could not have got it that way. Well, I took the boys to see a Cardiologist last week and the new doctor said she sure could have received the PPHN from the lungs  trying to over compensate for the heart. This is soooo frustrating. I asked what could have been done differently. He said with her symptoms of low Apgar scores, blue hands and feet, grunting and flaring, and a heart murmur she should have been tested right away. Then they would have went up through her groin with a balloon and opened up the Aorta. He said her outcome would have been completely different. I don't know if you all remember that Andie was paralyzed by meds for her last few days of life, so we could not tell her personality at all. We (us & the docs ) assumed that with her oxygen in her blood being soooo low for so many days in a row that she probably had some brain damage. Well I asked the infamous question to the pathologist and he told me she had NO brain damage. I just cried. I feel awful about this. It was soooo hard for me to sit , look and talk to her those last few days because I knew what was coming. I would talk to her but not as much as before because it just killed me inside. She did not look the same at all. I bet you cam imagine the guilt I feel!!!!He did say nothing was genetic, or she had no signs of any of the lung diseases that they thought she had.(I thought all along that she did not have any of these) But her lungs were very diseased from the PPHN. That is why she probably could not keep her SATS up. God Bless Her Little Heart and Lungs. She never asked for this. I have learned one thing don't ever second guess your  Mother's Intuition. I knew it all along. I'm sorry baby girl. We love and miss you sooo much. XOXOXOXO

5 comments:

Kelsey said...

Again, I don't know you but I have left comments before and think about your family regularly. My heart is breaking for you right now as you are dealing with the results of the autopsy and what the cardiologists has told you. I can't even imagine what you are going through. But you are exactly right, a mother's intuition should never be second guessed, a mommy knows what's best and right. Hang in there!

Analiza said...

I'm glad you were able to get the results back from Andie's autopsy, but I'm sorry you're feeling guilty. Even though you didn't talk to Andie as much as had before, I'm sure she knows how much you love her and how much you fought for her as her advocate. Mother's intuition is the best intuition but we're all so limited - we HAVE to trust the doctor's and trust in the Lord.

We all pray and think of Andie daily and we keep you and Duane and you're fab three in our prayers constantly.

Many Blessings...

Heidi Ann said...

Love you girl, thinking of you often!

Alyson said...

My little Avery was born with severe PPHN that almost took his life.....I can remember the days of him being asleep and paralyzed ....... You wait 9 months to meet this wonderful little person who is so perfect in every way and then when they are born with unforseen problems your heart breaks, and you try to remain positive, but it is very hard to do so when you don't seem to have much hope to hold onto.......You want to see your little one's eyes, and hold them close, talk to them, have those personal moments, but you can't because they are asleep are completely surrounded by nurses and doctors.......I remember Avery could not tolerate ANY light, sound or movement without destating........Before he was transferred to another hospital I asked to have a few private moments with him, but they were far from private....He HAD to have a nurse there with him all of the time........She was so sweet and even though I was kinda mean to her (I was so frustrated and angry with everything that had been going on and I had absolutely NO CONTROL over ANYTHING!!) she still gave me a huge hug and comforted me like she was a sister...

I truly understand your heartache and even though Avery made it through ok, I still feel as if I lost out on precious time and those precious first few weeks of a new baby's life in which you are supposed to have them home and bond and all of that yummy stuff.....

You are such a strong and beautiful woman and my heart goes out to you and your family.

Megan said...

I do not know you, but I just had to reach out after reading this.

It is a little late in coming, but I just wanted to tell you that:
your daughter's death is not your fault!!! You were awesome for her, don't ever doubt that. What a blessing to have you as her mommy!