Of course we had to do the skateboard park in TN 2011

Trip to Tennessee Summer 2011T

This summer the boys and I decided to go se my family in Tennessee. The funny part about it is my my said I will pay for if, can you guys leave right away? So two days later me the boys, and the two dogs drove 2000 miles across country by ourselves. It was fun and boring at the same time. We stopped at many rest stops and cracker barrels as we could. We even saw a huge butterfly and my boys said mom look its Andie. SO we have our Angel in the vacation pics too. It was so nice to get the kids together. We went to our first MOOFEST!!!!! HEEEE HAAA When we were at the MooFest, my nephew Chance had a yellow ballon and said it was Andie. So he let it go, and it was the sweetest thing. We went and hike Fort Louden, and then the kids jumped in the river. We all had a blast.

So Much To Say!!!!!!

It has been so long, and I have so much to talk about.

First of all back in April I had hysterectomy. It was very hard emotionally, but I realized it needed to be done. I had come to the conclusion that Andie Grace was meant to be my last baby I deliver. When I delivered Andie I delivered a grapefruit size bllod clot before Andie. The doctor thought thats why her heart rate kept dropping. he thought it was part of the placenta. NOPE! It was a blood clot. The placenta was fully intact. After Andie was born, I bled for six weeks, and it was nothing but walnut size clots. They kept saying it was stress related. Even a year after Andie passed a little better, but still the same. At this point, Duane and I had gotten divorced and I was thinking I was just getting older. So I did it. It was my first surgery ever, and it sure did hurt at first.I have a high pain tolerance, but when the wheeled me to my room it was all a blur. I just remember asking the nurse why he woke me up? I told him I didnt feel an pain when I was still asleep. LOL!!!! Then I was going to puke. I never did but I sure felt like it. Once the nurse gave me some medicine, it was back to night night. I never complained though. I just could not get over how dry my mouth and lips were. That was making me crazy. But I made it and went home two days later. Thank you to my dad for coming out to help me and the boys. Also, a thank you to all for the wonderful meals and beautiful flowers. I have wonderful family and friends. I love you all.

Here are some awesome pics my dad took of me post op. I wanted some pre op for my post, but oh well.

Please Don't Tell Me

Don't Tell Me
Please don't tell me you know how I feel,
Unless you have lost your child too,
Please don't tell me my broken heart will heal,
Because that is just not true,
Please don't tell me my daughters in a better place,
Though it is true, I want her here with me,
Don't tell me someday I'll hear her voice, see her face,
Beyond today I cannot see,
Don't tell me it is time to move on,
Because I cannot,
Don't tell me to face the fact she is gone,
Because denial is something I can't stop,
Don't tell me to be thankful for the time I had,
Because I wanted more,
Don't tell me when I am my old self you will be glad,
I'll never be as I was before,
What you can tell me is you will be here for me,
That you will listen when I talk of my child,
You can share with me my precious memories,
You can even cry with me for a while,
And please don't hesitate to say Andie's name,
Because it is something I long to hear everyday,
Friends and family please realize that I can never be the same,
But if you stand by me, you may like the new person I become someday.

In Memory of Andie Grace

We can't wait to hold you again!

".....Heaven's kindness will never depart from you, regardless of what happens......Bad days come to an end, faith always triumphs, and heavenly promises are always kept."

--Jeffrey R. Holland--

Congratulations Chelsea! 2011 ASU Grad!!!!

I always said I wanted Andie to be just like her big sister Chelsea. Chelsea is a very good girl and student. On that note she graduated today with HIGH honors from ASU. I am as well is all her family very proud of her.Today is also the dreaded Friday the 13th. Andie passed away 26 months ago today. It stinks that the boys always relate this date to Andie's death. Its another one of those bitter sweet days.

Chelsea, I know your sister knew you were there to see her. I always told her and your family I hope she was like you. I know your sister is flying around you and smiling so proud as you walk up to get that diploma.

Congratualtions and good luck to your future.

Love,

All of us

XOXOXO

Beanie Baby Drive March 2011 "Happy Birthday Andie"

The church that me and the boys go to (CCV) had a Benaie Baby drive in honor of Andie Grace. I hope to do it again at another event. I want to keep this legacy going for her. It was so cool, I got to speak to the crowd about how and what they use the beanie babies for. We had the banner made and I made a poster board so people would understand by the pictures. It was awesome to see the people stop and look and drop off the beanie babies. It was more awesome when people would come talk to me about Andie or the beanie scenairio. Thanks to all of you who helped and supported this event.