Held by Natalie Grant - with Lyrics(Please turn off music at bottom of page first.) This song explains my feelings big time. Love Mommy XOXO

"Andie Girl"

Its so hard for me to believe that our Little Angel Peanut Girl recieved her angel wings 19 months ago today. I think about Andie everyday all day, but lately Im not sleeping good. All I do is wish she is with me in bed just holding her in my arms. I just want to see and hold her sooo bad. Dont get me wrong I love Brogan and Boston the same and I am sooo thankful that I have them here with me. I just wish they could play with their sister too.

On that note Boston is the one who usually gets up with me at the crack of dawn. He always hugs me I say good morning and he kisses my belly. So the other morning we did our normal morning ritual and after he kissed my belly, he asked me if Andie was ever going to come back? I told him maybe her spirit will come to us through a different baby. He said mom I want to have a baby brother next time. I said you do, why? Cause girls dont like to play war. (He is ALL about being in the Army right now). I said Oh really who was shooting you with the machine gun the other day? Oh yeah Sophia.Okay I want a sister again. Kids say the funniest things. Sophia is our adorable little neighbor who is two and I love her to death. Did I mention she has two older brothers too? Sophia is totally girlie until she plays with the boys, and believe me she can hold her own.We have all boys on this street but her. I think Andie would be so much like her.

The funny thing about Sophia is she is only two and everytime she plays with my phone or goes in the house and she can see a picture of Andie, she always points to her picture and says baby Andie. One day I was watching her and she pointed to Andie's picture on the wall and said baby Andie. I asked her where is baby Andie? She pointed to her picture and then pointed in the air and spun in a circle and said she is there. I cried and got goose bumps. They say little kids are very close to the spiritual side. I love her like she is my own. Thank you to her mom and dad for letting her spend so much time with me. I really believe Sophia helps me heal. Love you guys, thank you. XOXO

(This is a picture of Sophia. Isn't she a doll?)

Heart Poem... anonymous author

Heart Poem...

It's a beautiful day up in heaven. Jesus is rounding up his tiniest angels, to go live on earth, and be born. One of the sweetest angels says to Jesus "I don't want to leave, I like it here, and I will miss you". He reassures the scared little angel that everything will be okay, and that she is just going for a visit. She is still not swayed on this idea.

So Jesus kneels down, and says, "How about if you leave half of your heart here with me and take the other half with you, will that be okay?" The angel smiles and says, "I guess that will work". But the little angel is still a little scared.

She asks,"Will I be okay with only half of my heart?" Jesus replies,"Of course you will, I have other angels there that will help out, and you will be fine." Then Jesus gives the angel more details about his plan. He says "When you are born, your mommy and daddy will be scared, so you have to be strong, and when you feel weak just remember that I have the other half of your heart".

"Enjoy your time with your family, play and laugh everyday." "And when its time to come back to heaven, whenever that may be, I will make your heart whole again. Always remember that you are not broken, just torn between two loves."

Andie's Journey (Go to the bottom of the blog to turn off the music first)

Make a photo slideshow

We miss you sooo much baby girl.

"Mothers hold their children's hands for a short while but their hearts... Forever."

Dad, your guiding hand on my shoulder will remain with me forever.

Understanding a mothers bond

When a baby is born, it's the mothers instinct to protect the baby. When a baby dies, it's the mothers instinct to protect their memory."

" I am so missing my "Little Angel Peanut Girl".

In this world we live in, experiencing the birth of a child is beyond any emotional understanding. We crave the excitement and milestones that are set from each passing day for nearly ten months until that child graces our presence away from the womb. Envisioning a perfect world with a perfect pregnancy is what many people live for, sharing their love and building a life that will once touch the lives of others. No one is ever prepared for trouble, no one is ever prepared for fear and no one is ever prepared for what God's plan is. We are prepared only to take what God has given to us and make it better through faith, hope and love.

"To Our Baby Angel Girl"

Since I have had a lot questions about why I have not posted a lot anymore and what is going on with me, I have decided to fill you all in.

As most of you already know, Duane and I have decided to go our separate ways. I just want Andie to know that it has nothing to do with her and we both will ALWAYS love and miss her tons. Sorry if we let you down as parents. You are one of the best things that has ever come into both of our lives. We love you tons and always will.

Love,

Mommy

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

Bostons 7th B DAY

More pics from SF

Our trip to San Francisco 2010

The boys, Joanne , Emily, Maddy and I all went to San Franciso to see my dad and Lou for Boston's and my dads birthday. We had a really good time. The kids loved SF. Here are some pics to show you. I hope we can do it again soon. We love you guys tons.

Andie's Name in The San Francisco Sand

WHILE WE TRY TO TEACH OUR CHILDREN ALL ABOUT LIFE, OUR CHILDREN TEACH US WHAT LIFE IS ALL ABOUT. ~ANGELA SCHWINDT ~

A LITTLE GIRL CAN BE SWEETER (AND BADDER) OFTENER THAN ANYONE ELSE IN THE WORLD. SHE CAN JITTER AROUND, AND STOMP, AND MAKE FUNNY NOISES THAT FRAZZLE YOUR NERVES, YET JUST WHEN YOU OPEN YOUR MOUTH SHE STANDS THERE DEMURE WITH THAT SPECIAL LOOK IN HER EYES. A GIRL IS INNOCENCE PLAYING IN THE MUD, BEAUTY STANDING ON ITS HEAD, AND MOTHERHOOD DRAGGING A DOLL BY THE FOOT. ~ ALAN BECK ~

I miss you baby girl!!!!!!!!!

♥ God saw you getting tired and a cure was not to be. So he put his arms around you and whispered "come to me". With tearful eyes I watched you, and saw you pass away. Although I loved you dearly, I could not make you stay. A golden heart stopped beating, hard working hands at rest. God broke my heart to prove to me he only
takes the best........Repost if you have a loved one in Heaven. ♥

Quick Post

I know it has been forever since posted.I was going to on Andie's Angel Wing anniversary date, but I couldn't. I promise I will this weekend.

I want to take the time right now to thank a very special family.The Lawson family from Lewisville, TX. who sent a box full of Beanie Babies in honor of Andie's birthday to help keep her legacy going. We are sooo grateful for this. It amazes me how Andie touches other peoples hearts and in return people touch our hearts too. Thank you so much for thinking about Our Angel and our family. I would love to speak with you personally my email address is brookepaulus@cox.net. Then we can go from there to get in contact with each other.

Love to you all,

Brooke

Heart Poem

It's a beautiful day up in heaven. Jesus is rounding up his tiniest angels, to go live on earth, and be born. One of the sweetest angels says to Jesus "I don't want to leave, I like it here, and I will miss you". He reassures the scared little angel that everything will be okay, and that she is just going for a visit. She is still not swayed on this idea.

So Jesus kneels down, and says, "How about if you leave half of your heart here with me and take the other half with you, will that be okay?" The angel smiles and says, "I guess that will work". But the little angel is still a little scared.

She asks,"Will I be okay with only half of my heart?" Jesus replies,"Of course you will, I have other angels there that will help out, and you will be fine." Then Jesus gives the angel more details about his plan. He says "When you are born, your mommy and daddy will be scared, so you have to be strong, and when you feel weak just remember that I have the other half of your heart".

"Enjoy your time with your family, play and laugh everyday." "And when its time to come back to heaven, whenever that may be, I will make your heart whole again. Always remember that you are not broken, just torn between two loves."

A Year Ago Today

A year ago today I was with my baby girl for my birthday and she was doing great. They were going to pull her ventilator out two days later if she continued on that path. She did and they did pull it out and thats when it all went south on her. My poor baby. I wish I could go back to a year ago and never end that time. On top of it, I would have fought harder to make them wait to pull her off the vent. God and Andie know I tried I could tell she wasn't ready, but ... they insisted that she was ready. Mother's intuition I guess. I'm sorry baby girl!!!!I really am. I love and miss you with every bit of everything in my body, heart, and soul.

Ever since Andie has passed, no lie we find little white, fine feathers in our house once in a while. To all that don'tknow us, we don't have any feathery friends. So whenever I find them, I always think and tell the kids that Andie is with us and letting us know she is okay. Well this morning I get a cup of coffee and go to walk across the street to see my aunt. Something caught my eye on my left sleeve, and there it was a little fine white feather. Happy birthday mommy I love you and am with you. Thats my story and I'm sticking to it. Thanks baby girl! I love you too! XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

Remembering The Day Our Angel Was Born

Remembering The Day Our Angel Was Born

Remembering The Day Our Angel Was Born

Remembering The Day Our Angel Was Born

Remembering The Day Our Angel Was Born